Updated: Sep 17, 2020
Yes, I came up with the term but just go with it. It will hopefully make sense after you read this ;-)
I've had a lot of conversations about this with friends and clients, even with myself lately. Weather it comes to us looking for the perfect partner, job or how we expect people to treat us. In our minds we dream of certain things to happen to us but get disappointed over and over again when what we get does not match up with those dreams and desires. We get upset for the people who keep disappointing us, to the world for not giving us what we think we want.
We create our experience of the world by the words we use, by our thinking and how we feel about all of it. Words we use about ourselves in the inner dialogue we have (that broken record that for most of us keeps telling us we are not good enough, pretty enough, accomplished enough and so on...).
To keep our existence making sense to us, we keep making sure the inner world matches the outer one. If it doesn't, it creates imbalance within and we do not know how to cope with that. So we keep trying to keep our emotional osmosis going, keep the balance to be ok. Make sense of our experience.
Lets take as an example that we think we want a partner who loves us, treats us well and is there for us. And yet we keep meeting people who treat us like an after thought, act with disrespect and make us feel alone and abandoned. First reaction is to blame these people, demand an answer on why we keep getting the short end of the relationship stick when all we want is to love and be loved in return. Is that so much to ask?!?!?!
And the cycle of disappointments keeps going on and on. Until the day we stop and realise something that will change it all!
The moment we take responsibility for what is happening in our lives. For the good and the bad. Take control of our experience. This does not mean that its ok for people we meet to treat us badly, but ultimately we created this problem for ourselves. These people need to take ownership for their actions but so do we.
I bet in situations much like the one I described, if you start listening how you talk about yourself, you notice that deep inside you don't really love yourself that much. You don't really think you deserve this beautiful person you dreamt of meeting. Might be because you were not told you were worthy as a child, maybe for one reason or another you decided you are not worthy of love this beautiful as you grew up and were judged by the society showing you how flawed you were. When this is the case, we keep energetically attracting what we deep down think we deserve or even if we meet this person we dreamt of, we keep behaving in a way that makes them treat us the way we think we deserve to be treated. And this is a sad self proclaiming prophecy. All is well in our world. We are disappointed but all is well. Eventhough this is not what we want.
We can't change the way our childhood went, we cant change other people...but the beautiful thing is that we can change our inner dialogue. We can heal the wounds of the past. Become our own best friend, the soulmate we were looking for. We have the power to take control of how we see ourselves. Right now. When you start seeing yourself as worthy, accomplished, brave, self confident, beautiful and most of all loved and lovable person, this is what will slowly begin a shift in your outer experience.
You start attracting people who love you as you love yourself. With caring and tenderness. With respect and adoration.
Take ownership my loves. Start loving yourself. Start creating the future you want. Its all in your hands. In your words.
Founder of Hunaworks
Global Intuitive Deep Transformation and Psychedelic Integration Coach, Inspirational Speaker, Modern Medicine Woman, Writer & Podcaster.
www.hunaworks.com / @hunaworks / @elephantintheroompodcast